The Pressure to Be Pleasant: How Likeability is Silently Holding Kenyan Women Back at Work
The Pressure to Be Pleasant: How Likeability is Silently Holding Kenyan Women Back at Work
By Editorial Staff | August 3, 2025
Across various professional environments in Kenya,they are often confronted with an unspoken yet persistent expectation: to maintain a pleasant and agreeable demeanor regardless of the situation. This subtle pressure, which often goes unnoticed by many, places a unique emotional burden on women, influencing not only their workplace interactions but also their long-term career trajectories. The idea that a woman’s success is contingent on her ability to be “likeable” rather than solely on her skills or results is a significant hurdle that many Kenyan women continue to face.
Whether in bustling corporate offices in Nairobi or smaller firms in Kisumu, the demand to smile, to soften one’s tone, and to avoid confrontation is frequently experienced as a requirement. It’s a demand that silently dictates how women should behave, masking deeper issues of gender bias and inequality that are yet to be fully addressed within Kenyan workplaces.
Understanding the Emotional Toll of Likeability Expectations
Emotional labor, the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill workplace expectations, disproportionately affects women worldwide, and Kenya is no exception. girls often find themselves navigating a complex landscape where demonstrating competence alone is insufficient. Instead, they must also manage the impressions they create, ensuring they come across as warm, approachable, and agreeable.
Take the example of Esther, a marketing executive based in Nairobi, who shared, “I felt I had to smile and be agreeable even when I was exhausted or disagreed with decisions. It felt like my professionalism wasn’t enough unless I was also pleasant.” Her experience highlights a common, yet rarely discussed challenge the demand for women to perform extra emotional work beyond their job descriptions.
This expectation is deeply rooted in societal gender norms that define femininity in terms of nurturing and accommodating behaviors. In the workplace, these norms translate into a skewed set of criteria that favor women who fit the mold of the “friendly” and “non-threatening” employee, often at the expense of authenticity and honest communication.
Impact on Career Growth and Leadership Opportunities
The implications of these likeability pressures extend far beyond day-to-day interactions. women who challenge the status quo by voicing firm opinions or demonstrating assertiveness risk being labeled as abrasive or difficult. Such labels can undermine their chances of promotion, networking, and leadership roles.
Research from different cultural contexts, including African workplaces, consistently indicates a gendered double standard in leadership perception. Men exhibiting assertive behaviors are frequently praised for confidence and decisiveness. In contrast, women showing the same traits may face social penalties, which restricts their ability to lead effectively and advance professionally.
For many Kenyan women, this means walking a tightrope. Being too soft may result in being overlooked or taken lightly, while being too assertive may trigger backlash that damages professional relationships and reputations. This catch-22 stifles career momentum and contributes to the persistent underrepresentation of women in senior management positions across Kenya’s workforce.
Communication and Gendered Perceptions
One of the most tangible manifestations of this challenge lies in communication styles. While directness is often praised as a leadership quality, women are typically expected to temper their speech to maintain harmony. This dynamic forces women to adapt their natural communication styles, often at the cost of clarity and confidence.
For example, instead of stating, “This plan will not work,” a woman may soften her words to, “Perhaps we should consider some alternative options.” Although diplomacy is important in any professional setting, the consistent need to mask one’s true opinion can diminish a woman’s influence and weaken her presence in critical discussions.
Moreover, these communication expectations are reinforced by feedback mechanisms that emphasize tone and demeanor over substance, reinforcing gender stereotypes and creating a feedback loop that perpetuates inequity.
Workplace Culture and Systemic Challenges
Kenyan corporate culture is undergoing change, with growing awareness about gender equity and inclusion. However, deeply embedded patriarchal norms continue to influence workplace dynamics, especially in more traditional sectors or organizations with male-dominated leadership.
For instance, some women recount experiences during performance reviews where comments focus disproportionately on their personality traits rather than their professional achievements. One lawyer from Kisumu recalls being advised to “smile more” despite exemplary case results a remark that exemplifies how gendered expectations overshadow merit.
Such feedback not only undermines confidence but also signals to women that their value is tied to conforming to behavioral expectations rather than their actual work, further entrenching barriers to genuine equality.
The Psychological and Emotional Costs
Maintaining a facade of constant likability can have serious psychological repercussions. The continuous effort to regulate one’s emotions and suppress dissenting feelings can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even burnout. Women may feel isolated or inauthentic, creating a disconnect between their professional and personal identities.
This phenomenon also affects workplace mentorship and culture. When women believe that success depends on pleasing others rather than demonstrating ability, it perpetuates a cycle where emerging professionals are socialized to prioritize likability over leadership qualities. Consequently, this hinders progress toward a truly equitable workplace.
Strategies for Change: Towards Inclusive Workplaces
Addressing the likeability bias requires conscious efforts from both organizational leadership and employees. Initiatives such as unconscious bias training, transparent performance evaluation criteria, and promoting diverse leadership styles are essential steps.
Leaders should actively encourage open dialogues where assertiveness and differing opinions are welcomed without fear of social reprisal. Creating safe spaces for women to express themselves authentically can foster innovation, boost morale, and enhance team performance.
Furthermore, mentorship programs and peer support networks offer platforms for women to share experiences, strategies, and encouragement. These networks build solidarity and empower women to navigate the challenges of workplace gender dynamics more effectively.
Changing Perspectives: Everyone’s Responsibility
Transforming workplace culture involves everyone not just women. Colleagues and managers must examine their own biases and the subtle ways they may contribute to the pressure women feel to conform to likeability standards.
Questions such as “Do I hold women to different standards than men?” or “Am I unconsciously favoring agreeable behavior over competence?” can initiate important self-reflection and lead to meaningful changes in organizational norms.
Ultimately, equity in the workplace is about fairness, not conformity. It is about allowing every individual to bring their whole, authentic selves to work without fear of negative judgment.
Conclusion: Redefining Success and Authenticity for Kenyan Women
The silent demand for women to be perpetually pleasant is a complex issue rooted in gender stereotypes and cultural expectations. For Kenyan women in the workforce, this expectation acts as an invisible ceiling, restricting career advancement and personal authenticity.
To build truly inclusive workplaces, Kenyan organizations must actively dismantle these biases and celebrate diverse leadership styles and communication approaches. Encouraging women to lead with confidence and authenticity benefits not only individuals but also the broader economy by harnessing the full potential of all talent.
As the conversation around gender equality evolves in Kenya, addressing the pressure to be likeable is crucial. It is a step toward workplaces where meritocracy prevails and where every professional is valued for their contributions, not just their conformity to outdated social norms.
For more insights on gender equality and professional empowerment, visit our Gender Equality section.
Learn more from trusted resources such as UN Women: Economic Empowerment Facts & Figures.
Table of Contents
- Understanding the Emotional Toll of Likeability Expectations
- Impact on Career Growth and Leadership Opportunities
- Communication and Gendered Perceptions
- Workplace Culture and Systemic Challenges
- The Psychological and Emotional Costs
- Strategies for Change: Towards Inclusive Workplaces
- Changing Perspectives: Everyone’s Responsibility
- Conclusion: Redefining Success and Authenticity for Kenyan Women
Understanding the Emotional Toll of Likeability Expectations
Emotional labor refers to the effort women invest to manage their emotions and present themselves as agreeable in the workplace. This expectation is rooted in societal norms and disproportionately impacts Kenyan women, requiring them to balance competence with warmth to be accepted.
Impact on Career Growth and Leadership Opportunities
Kenyan women face a double bind: being assertive risks negative labels, while being too agreeable can undermine authority. This limits their advancement in leadership roles and perpetuates gender disparities in senior positions.
Communication and Gendered Perceptions
Women often have to soften their language to maintain harmony, which can dilute their message and reduce influence. Men’s direct communication is more likely to be rewarded, highlighting gendered double standards in professional settings.
Workplace Culture and Systemic Challenges
Patriarchal cultural norms persist in Kenyan workplaces, influencing feedback and expectations. Women are frequently judged on personality traits like “smiling more” rather than their work performance, reflecting ongoing gender bias.
The Psychological and Emotional Costs
The ongoing pressure to be likable can cause stress, burnout, and feelings of inauthenticity, impacting women’s mental health and workplace engagement negatively.
Strategies for Change: Towards Inclusive Workplaces
Organizations should implement bias training, objective evaluations, and support diverse leadership styles. Mentorship and peer support networks help women build confidence and navigate workplace challenges.
Changing Perspectives: Everyone’s Responsibility
Addressing likeability bias requires collective awareness and self-reflection from all employees, especially managers, to ensure fair treatment and equitable opportunities.
Conclusion: Redefining Success and Authenticity for Kenyan Women
The pressure on women to be pleasant acts as a subtle barrier to career progress and personal authenticity. Creating equitable workplaces means valuing diverse leadership styles and judging performance based on merit, not conformity.
